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Women only fart in front of men they love. If you haven’t heard her fart, you don’t have her heart.

Women only fart…

Marriage is just a nice word for adopting a fully grown man who can’t take care of himself.

Marriage is…

I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am. - Cormac McCarthy

I can normally tell…

If a man says “fine”, means the war is over. If a woman says “fine”, means the war just started.

If a man says “fine”…

So if a woman’s bra is called an "over the shoulder boulder holder", then is a man’s underwear called "under the butt nut hut?"

So if a woman’s bra …

Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn't even care that it's on your legs.

Find a man…

Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40's.

Girls mature faster…

Men, don’t judge women by pounds and you won’t be judged by inches.

Men, don’t judge women…

One man’s “damn she’s crazy” is another man’s “damn that dude was right”.

One man’s…

When a man is trying to make a decision, it’s often a struggle between his head and his heart. Then his penis walks in and says, “relax guys, I got this”.

When a man is trying…