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I do try to be a good person. But then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit and I just have to try again tomorrow.

I do try to be a good person. But then someone pulls out in front of me doing the below the speed limit and I just have to try again tomorrow.

I’m a very private person. You don't ask I don't tell. Actually, even if you ask. Mind your business.

I’m a very private person. You don’t ask I don’t tell. Actually, even if you ask. Mind your business.

Never underestimate a person’s ability to disappoint you.

Never underestimate a person’s ability to disappoint you.

The shit you heard about me might be true, but then again it might be as fake as that person who told you.

The shit you heard about me might be true, but then again it might be as fake as that person who told you.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realising the other person was born an idiot.

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realising the other person was born an idiot.

I’m so polite but I’m also the rudest person ever. Like, I’ll hold the door for you and you’ll be thinking I’m actual sweetheart when in reality I’m thinking “Hurry up, stupid”.

I’m so polite but I’m also the rudest person ever. Like, I’ll hold the door for you and you’ll be thinking I’m actual sweetheart when in reality I’m thinking “Hurry up, stupid”.

There is a difference between talking shit about a person and talking truth about a shitty person.

There is a difference between talking shit about a person and talking truth about a shitty person.

Not everyone gets the same version of me. One person might tell you I’m amazing beautiful soul. Another person will say I’m cold-hearted asshole. Believe them both, I act accordingly.

Not everyone gets the same version of me. One person might tell you I’m amazing beautiful soul. Another person will say I’m cold-hearted asshole. Believe them both, I act accordingly.

I hate when I’m starting to become a good person and someone comes and pushes my asshole-mode buttons.

I hate when I’m starting to become a good person and someone comes and pushes my asshole-mode buttons.

Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Be a little crazy. Be loud. Be vulgar. Whatever it is that tickles your pickle... Do it. You never know who would love the person you hide.

Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Be a little crazy. Be loud. Be vulgar. Whatever it is that tickles your pickle… Do it. You never know who would love the person you hide.