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Remember

Try to remeber, the greener grass across the fence may be due to a septic tank issue.

Try to remeber…

When I say “have a nice day”, remember that the “fucker” is silent.

When I say “have a nice day”…

Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up... after I finish laughing.

Always remember…

Remember the magic words: "please", "thank you", and "step off motherfucker".

Remember the magic words…

I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now, when I don’t even remember where the fuck I was 2 days ago.

I hate when someone asks…

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

If you want to be remembered…

Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever. - Nitya Prakash

Every time you get dressed…

If you think you’are fucked up, just remember there’s someone meeting your ex right now thinking that they found someone special.

If you think…

Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Three things to remember…

When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.

When work feels overwhelming…