Remember

If you think you’are fucked up, just remember there’s someone meeting your ex right now thinking that they found someone special.

Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

Someone once told me, “you’re never gonna forget me”. I just can’t remember who the fuck it was.

Remember, you’re only young once but you can be immature forever.

When you think you’re screwed, remember we’re all on a big, wet ball floating in the dark.

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.

Remember, when somebody annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that face.

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile because you’re a joke.