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In alcohol’s defence I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

In alcohol’s defence…

If I actually “spoke my mind” I’d be in deep shit.

If I actually “spoke my mind”…

Once you hit a certain age you become permanently unimpressed by a lot of shit.

Once you hit a certain age…

If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

If I was a bird…

Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.

Arguing with idiots…

If each day is a gift…Can we get a refund on a shitty ones?

If each day is a gift…

It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.

It’s okay to be…

Maturity is knowing what shit to cut and what fuck to give.

Maturity is knowing…

Didn’t care yesterday. Don’t give a shit today. Probably won’t give a fuck tomorrow.

Didn’t care yesterday…

Be careful around ass kissers. They’re always the first to talk shit and start drama.

Be careful…