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Someone

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

Love is…

Why yes, I do smile a little when karma pays a visit to someone who so desperately deserves it.

Why yes…

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

A husband is someone…

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

When someone is murdered…

Once upon a time, someone, somewhere, finally stopped caring and FUCK THIS SHIT was born.

Once upon a time…

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be OK... or some rough sex or whatever.

Sometimes all you need…

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.

“No thanks, I’m vegetarian”…

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what beautiful day, I’ve got a wonderful feeling, someone’s gonna fuck up my day!

Oh what a beautiful morning…

Not to brag, but I was alive when you could slam the phone down to hang up on someone. It was spectacular.

Not to brag…

Someone told me I need to stop using F-bombs. What the fuck is an F-bomb?

Someone told me…