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Words

When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

When I bang my toe…

I would offer some words of wisdom but I have never been called wise without the word ass followed shortly behind it.

I would offer…

If you word ain’t shit, neither are you.

If you word ain’t shit…

My last word will probably be “oops”.

My last word…

My favorite word is "apparently". Makes anything sound sarcastic. He is intelligent, apparently.

My favorite word…

Remember the magic words: "please", "thank you", and "step off motherfucker".

Remember the magic words…

Usually, what angry people need most is not more hostility, but to hear just a few kind words... to know someone cares. Like, "Calm down, everything is going to be okay, you stupid psychotic fuck".

Usually, what angry people need…

Switch up your swear words. Keep them potent. Call someone a piece of fuck. Tell someone to go shit themselves. Keep the magic alive.

Switch up your swear words…

Sometimes words aren't enough and that’s why we have middle fingers.

Sometimes words aren’t enough…

Whoever invented swear words is my fucking hero.

Whoever invented…