Work

You don't accidentally become an asshole, it takes a bit of work.

You don’t accidentally become…

I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up after their kids.

I hate it when TV shows say…

Sometimes doing a good job at work is like wetting your pants in a dark suit – you get a warm feeling, but nobody else notices.

Sometimes doing a good job…

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

When I was young…

I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my friends and family expect that shit for free.

I get paid to be nice at work…

Hard work pays off eventually, but laziness pays off now.

Hard work…

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

People who work…

"What’s your dream job?" "Well, in my dreams I don't work."

“What’s your dream job?”…

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

I’d tell you to go to hell…

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? - Don Marquis

When a man tells you…