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Work

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

You can’t have a bad day…

I go to work. I make my coworkers wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. Then I go home.

I go to work…

I hate when I lose things at work. Like my favorite pen or my fucking will to live.

I hate…

I can’t call someone a dumb fuck at work. So instead I say “walk me through your thought process”.

I can’t call someone…

I don’t always work but when I do, I make sure my boss is around.

I don’t always work…

The only reason I wanted to be an adult was to have sex and curse. All this paying bills and waking up to go to work wasn’t the plan.

The only reason…

Remember that time we came to work and were excited? Me neither.

Remember that time…

You don't accidentally become an asshole, it takes a bit of work.

You don’t accidentally become…

I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up after their kids.

I hate it when TV shows say…

Sometimes doing a good job at work is like wetting your pants in a dark suit – you get a warm feeling, but nobody else notices.

Sometimes doing a good job…