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Work

The only reason I wanted to be an adult was to have sex and curse. All this paying bills and waking up to go to work wasn’t the plan.

The only reason…

Remember that time we came to work and were excited? Me neither.

Remember that time…

You don't accidentally become an asshole, it takes a bit of work.

You don’t accidentally become…

I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up after their kids.

I hate it when TV shows say…

Sometimes doing a good job at work is like wetting your pants in a dark suit – you get a warm feeling, but nobody else notices.

Sometimes doing a good job…

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

When I was young…

I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my friends and family expect that shit for free.

I get paid to be nice at work…

Hard work pays off eventually, but laziness pays off now.

Hard work…

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer per day.

People who work…

"What’s your dream job?" "Well, in my dreams I don't work."

“What’s your dream job?”…