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Cynical Quotes

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end the faster it goes.

Life is like…

I look at the world and see a rainbow of people who all suck in different ways.

I look at the world…

Avoid disappointment by giving up hope.

Avoid disappointment…

Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal?

Selling is legal…

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer…

Go ahead, underestimate me. That'll be fun.

Go ahead…

People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.

People think…

If I can punch you in the throat without moving my feet, you are in my personal space.

If I can punch you…

I’m so polite but I’m also the rudest person ever. Like, I’ll hold the door for you and you’ll be thinking I’m actual sweetheart when in reality I’m thinking “Hurry up, stupid”.

I’m so polite…

The universe doesn’t give a shit about you.

The universe doesn’t give a shit…