Cynical Quotes

Nobody dies a virgin. Life fucks us all. – Kurt Cobain

Nobody dies a virgin…

Being single is lonely. Being in a relationship is stressful. Just talking to people is fucking annoying. You really can’t win.

Being single…

Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are.

Can you die from constipation?…

Before you speak, listen. Before you act, think. Before you give up try. Before you take a shit, make sure there is toilet paper.

Before you speak…

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.

Mirrors don’t lie…

Listen, smile, agree. And then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway. – Robert Downey Jr.

Listen, smile, agree…

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They're a mile away and you've got their shoes.

Before you judge someone…

How to be grown up at work: Replace "Fuck You" with "OK Great".

How to be grown up at work…

Don't be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.

Don’t be a magnet…

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Even duct tape can’t…