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Cynical Quotes

Taking your ex back is like trying to put poop back in your butt.

Taking your ex back…

Life is like a monkey… It throws shit at you.

Life is like a monkey…

Stop saying “yes” and “ok” when you should be saying “no thanks” and “fuck off”.

Stop saying…

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and made a bad decision.

Everything happens…

Sometimes life will fuck you and you’ll just have to change positions and find a way to enjoy it.

Sometimes life will fuck you…

Forget about the zombie apocalypse, it’s never gonna happen. Worry about the dumbass apocalypse, it’s already upon ass.

Forget about…

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

I can only please…

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

From the moment…

If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.

If a woman tells…

I’m not a gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

I’m not a gynecologist…