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Funny Quotes

WARNING! I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass.

WARNING!…

Women will say they are too tired to have sex. But that won’t stop them from arguing with you all night.

Women will say…

I haven’t had any problem that I couldn’t make worse.

I haven’t had any problem…

Don’t be mad at lazy people. They don’t do anything.

Don’t be mad at lazy people…

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “smell this”, it usually smells nice.

One big difference…

Drink responsibly? Shit… Responsibility is why I drink.

Drink responsibly?…

Despite being a pain in the ass, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.

Despite…

I don't make mistakes, I date them.

I don’t make mistakes…

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.

Without nipples…

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

If you want to be remembered…