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Funny Quotes

You know you’re getting old when “friends with benefits” means having someone who can drive at night.

You know you’re getting old…

Being an adult is realizing 1,000 $ is little money to have but a lot to owe.

Being an adult…

Men, don’t judge women by pounds and you won’t be judged by inches.

Men, don’t judge women…

This “NORMAL” you speak of doesn't sound fun at all.

This “NORMAL”…

I wish hangovers and orgasms can switch durations.

I wish…

Oh, I don’t try to hide my weird. I like to wave it around. It scares off the boring people and it’s like a beacon for my fellows weirdos.

Oh, I don’t try to hide…

It's true, alcohol kills people. But how many are born because of it?

It’s true, alcohol kills…

There’s a fine line between eccentric and batshit crazy and I ride that line like a circus bear on a unicycle.

There’s a fine line…

Honestly, drunk me is just regular me except twice as honest and 10 times as horny.

Honestly…

If we are ever in a situation where I am the “voice of reason” then we are in a very very bad situation.

If we are ever in a situation…