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Funny Quotes

The only person I'm afraid is myself. That fucker is crazy.

The only person…

Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

Women won’t date…

I'm honestly convinced some women don't fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

I’m honestly convinced…

Yes, my door is always open. Makes it easier to throw people out.

Yes, my door is always open…

IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don't have to do this! Tequila - Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!

IF DRINKS COULD TALK…

If you meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes and change her way... Dump her because that might be a man. Women don't do that.

If you meet a girl…

Be Yourself! No one else wants to be you.

Be Yourself!…

If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.

If I ever give a flying fuck…

I don't always walk the walk, or even talk the talk. But if you want someone who can drink the drink, I'm totally there for you.

I don’t always walk the walk…

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I'd love to punch in the face.

I love everybody…