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Some people’s third eye is their butthole.

Some people’s third eye…

Some people are like software updates… You see them and think, oh for fuck’s sake not now.

Some people are…

I never understood how much some people can talk early in the morning, I mean to have brain so efficacious. Anything you can extract from mine is: shut the fuck up!

I never understood…

Some people will never understand that shutting the fuck up is an important communication skill.

Some people will never understand…

The world is magical place full of people waiting to be offended by something.

The world is magical place…

The thing about humans, they’ll lick each other’s buttholes but ask for a new fork if it falls on the ground.

The thing about humans…

Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

Why do people ask…

I’ve always loved the idea of not being what people expect me to be.

I’ve always loved the idea…

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Fred Allen

I like long walks…

My personality attracts people, scares them away, and makes them want to come back later.

My personality attracts…