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Sarcastic Quotes

Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety attacks, a love of alcohol and serious dislike for stupid people, but no lemons.

Life has never given me lemons…

When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I wanna be there just in case it needs help.

When karma comes…

Sure, I have a few skeletons in my closet. Every single one of them deserved it.

Sure, I have…

Those who stir the shitpot should have to lick the spoon.

Those who stir the shitpot…

I am seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.

I am…

The key to happiness is to stop giving a fuck.

The key to happiness…

Trust me, when I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens.

Trust me…

Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. I wonder who was the mastermind behind this genius system. - Tom Hanks

Need money…

Successful adulting: Not stabbing someone when you really want to.

SUCCESSFUL ADULTING…

I don’t care if people talk shit about me. I was raised to flush shit down the toilet, not play with it.

I don’t care…