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Sarcastic Quotes

Being an adult is easy. It’s like riding a bike, except the bike is on fire. Everything is on fire. And you’re in hell.

Being an adult…

Husbands are the best people to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone, because they aren’t even listening.

Husbands…

If you show me you don't give a fuck, I'll show you that I'm better at it.

If you show me…

LIVE TODAY LIKE IT IS YOUR LAST DAY! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.

LIVE TODAY…

I don’t mind being told what to do, as long as the person telling me doesn’t mind being told to fuck off.

I don’t mind…

Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea.

Laughter…

Shit happens. Every day. To everyone. The difference is in how people deal with it.

Shit happens…

I used to be so nice and sweet. Now I’m just like fuck you, fuck that, fuck everybody.

I used to be so nice…

I am an example to others. A bad example.

I am an example…

One day I will start behaving myself.. But not today. (Tomorrow’s not looking good either.)

One day…