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Sarcastic Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was a bird... so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

Sometimes I wish…

Remember, Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Remember…

Stranger: Nice to meet you. Me: Give it time.

STRANGER…

Not everyone in life is gonna like you. But also, not everyone matters.

Not everyone…

You can cunt on me. One missing letter can destroy friendships.

You can…

The only thing my ex hasn't fucked is off.

The only thing…

If I am silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chillin, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.

If I am silent…

Pro Tip: If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches... you've already got it.

PRO TIP…

If you don't have anything nice to say, say it anyway. Motherfuckers need to hear some truth.

If you don’t have…

You remind me of my Chinese friend... Ug Lee.

You remind me…