Sarcastic Quotes

Having a bad day? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and you you're the only one with an ass

Having a bad day?…

Some people aren't just missing the odd screw. The whole freakin' toolbox is gone

Some people…

Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over

THREE RULES FOR LIFE…

I look at people sometimes and think... Really? That's the sperm that won!?

I look at people…

If you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, you can always be the hoe.

If you can’t be…

I planned to work out and have a nice body for people to look at this summer, but then I remembered I like food more than I like people.

I planned to work out…

FAMILY VACATION: A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together.

FAMILY VACATION…

It's so nice when toxic people stop talking to you. It's like the trash took itself out.

It’s so nice…

With age come new skills... You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

With age…

I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell.

I take super hot showers…