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Sarcastic Quotes

Some days it’s just better to stay in bed until the next day.

Some days…

At this point, I’m convinced some people were put on the planet just to test my anger management skills.

At this point…

I love the sound you make when you shut up.

I love the sound…

A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they're dirty.

A penny…

SARCASM. Because beating the shit out of people is illegal.

SARCASM…

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

I am free…

I smoke weed for the same reason people wear glasses, to improve my view of the world.

I smoke weed…

The key to happiness is low expectations. Lower. Nope, even lower. There you go.

The key to happiness…

Looking at inspirational quotes to feel better is like looking at a treadmill to lose weight.

Looking at inspirational quotes…

Roses are red, shit is brown. Shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

Roses are red…