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How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Sarcasm and orgasm… My two favorite “asms”.
I’ve found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes.
Is “Fuck you” an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.
It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.
You can be a good person with a beautiful spirit and still be able to tell someone to go fuck themselves when needed.
No matter how hard I try to be nice someone always tries to push my asshole button.
Fuck every single person that took advantage of your kindness and mistook it for weakness.
Ever just look at someone and think, this motherfucker is going to be the reason I go to jail?
Maturity is knowing what shit to cut and what fuck to give.