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Vulgar Quotes

As a true gentleman, I hold the door for my woman. Then I smack her ass.

As a true gentleman…

A foolish man complains about his torn pocket, while a wise man uses it to scratch his balls.

A foolish man complains…

Women are like iPhones: you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries: rub one ball and everything moves.

Women are like iPhones…

Go braless… It will pull the wrinkles out of your face.

Go braless…

I’m super fucked up and that’s part of my charm.

I’m super fucked up…

Opinions are like farts, everyone has them, no one wants to hear anyone else’s, and most of them stink. Except mine. Mine smell like roses.

Opinions are like farts…

Being alone in the toilet is the reminder that you will always be alone when shit happens in your life. Be strong.

Being alone…

Things that shouldn’t be broken 1. Hearts, 2. Promises, 3. Condoms

Things that shouldn’t be broken…

Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.

Without nipples…

Never trust anyone who spells gonorrhea right on the first try.

Never trust…