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Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.

Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.

opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

Opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room.

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time… when you’re crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time… when you’re worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time… when you’re happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time…

Bitch Please, I'm so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.

Bitch Please, I’m so freaking fabulous, I pee glitter, shit cupcakes, and fart rainbows.

Opinions are like farts. Just because you have one inside you, doesn't mean you need to let it out.

Opinions are like farts. Just because you have one inside you, doesn’t mean you need to let it out.

Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together... Even though you know he farts in his sleep... All damn night.

Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together… Even though you know he farts in his sleep… All damn night.

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. Hard telling what else she's holding back from you.

Never trust a girl who doesn’t fart. Hard telling what else she’s holding back from you.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, then it’s probably shit.