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Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together... Even though you know he farts in his sleep... All damn night.

Love is cuddling until you fall asleep together… Even though you know he farts in his sleep… All damn night.

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Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.
Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.
When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning", I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.
What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will sleep with anyone, a bitch will sleep with anyone but you.
Trust gets you killed, love gets you hurt, and being real gets you hated.
Think whatever you like of me if it helps you sleep at night. In the end I get to keep my integrity while you feed your own bullshit to stay alive.
Think old and you'll be old. Think young and you'll be a delusional old fart.
They say "do what you love and money will follow". So I ate cheesecake and drank some wine... Now I wait.
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep.
The biggest step in any relationships isn’t the first kiss. It is the first fart.
Stop telling everybody I’m fucking crazy. I love to see the surprises on their faces when they figure it out by themselves.
Sleep well middle finger, you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.