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Attitude Quotes

I'm so glad I grew up in the '80s and '90s. I did so much stupid shit - and there is no record of it anywhere.

I’m so glad…

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

How come…

Somewhere right now someone is thinking about an excuse not to go to work tomorrow.

Somewhere right now…

Have you ever looked at someone and just imagined holding their head under water? Oh, me neither.

Have you ever looked…

Whoever said money can't buy happiness never paid for a divorce before.

Whoever said…

If you set impossible goals, you'll never be disappointed when you fail.

If you set impossible goals…

If you hate yourself, remember that you are not alone. A lot of other people hate you too.

If you hate yourself…

I used to think I had some control over my life. Now, I just pull up a chair and watch the shit show unfold before me.

I used to think…

Life is a bitch. So learn how to fuck it.

Life is a bitch…

The key to getting along with people is to either lower your expectations or learn to drink.

The key to getting along…