The older I get, the less I try to tip toe around people's feelings. You either like me or you don't. Simple as that.
Life belongs to those who don’t give a fuck.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I look around and wonder If I like them.
The fact that the jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
You know that thing inside your head that keeps you from saying stuff you probably shouldn't? Yeah, mine's broken
Always trust your gut. Your brain can be fooled and your heart is an idiot, but your gut doesn't know how to lie.
Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel, because you can be too weak to raise your middle finger.
The turtle can breathe through it’s ass. Humans have not yet reached this stage of evolution, although many have learned to talk through it.
They said life is too short to hold grudges. I think life too short to be letting people get away with the same shit.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
I am great at multitasking. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at once.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn't worth your time.
Wherever you go there is always going to be that one bitch you will feel the urge to punch in the face every time you see her.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
There’s a “hell” in hello, "good" in goodbye, "lie" in believe,"over" in lover, "end" in friend, and “if” in life.
Manners: The art of smiling and nodding when all you want to do is slap that bitch in the face.
Having a good heart can put you in some fucked up situations.
FUCK: The only fucking word that can be put every fuckingwhere and still make fucking sence.
I get it: When you have no idea what someone is talking about but you just want them to shut up.
If you keep following your dreams they're going to file a restraining order.
Giving a fuck doesn't really go with my outfit.
I hate when people say "nice to meet you" before I've even said anything. How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm an asshole.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem