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Funny Quotes

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people’s eyes.

When life gives you lemons…

There is no problem so big you can’t run away from it. - Charles M. Schulz

There is no problem…

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always arrive late…

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.

If a guy remembers…

Remember, when somebody annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that face.

Remember…

I laugh when people try to figure me out. Like, good luck. I can’t even figure me out.

I laugh…

You’re never too old to try something stupid.

You’re never too old…

Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.

Smiling give you wrinkles…

Imagine how cool it would be if we lost weight every time we farted.

Imagine how cool…

BAR and BRA. Same letters, different words, but both keep men eagerly waiting till they open.

BAR and BRA…