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Funny Quotes

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

I clapped…

My age is very inappropriate for my behaviour.

My age…

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. - Steven Wright

If everything…

Sargasm: When the urge to make a sarcastic reply is so overwhelming you can only roll your eyes and grunt incoherently.

Sargasm…

When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, I’ve heard that baseball bat is quite effective.

When killing them…

Half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other... well the other is an asshole.

Half of me…

At times, I’am grateful that thoughts don't appear in bubbles over our heads.

At times, I’am grateful…

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

I either…

Karma is always watching. Just like Santa Claus, only bitchier.

Karma is always watching…

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde

Always borrow money…