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Funny Quotes

Of course I speak my mind. My head would explode if I kept all this bitching to myself!

Of course I speak my mind…

Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

Don’t give up…

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

If you have an opinion…

I’m not good at push ups, pull ups and sit ups. I’m pretty good at fuck ups though.

I’m not good at push ups…

Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.

Happiness…

Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Sometimes I wish…

Masturbation is the only thing that isn't taxed, regulated, or illegal. That's your "freedom". You're free to go fuck yourself.

Masturbation…

I've got a good heart, but this mouth...

I’ve got a good heart…

Did you know if you text your boss “Go Fuck Yourself” you don’t have to go to work anymore?

Did you know…

Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.

Life is a dick…