Home     Browse     Tags     Store

Funny Quotes

I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.

I don’t understand…

Laughing is the best medicine. Unless you are laughing for no reason…Then you need medicine.

Laughing is the best medicine…

ALCOHOL! Because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

ALCOHOL!…

Mirrors don’t lie. And lucky for you they don’t laugh either.

Mirrors don’t lie…

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. After that who cares? They're a mile away and you've got their shoes.

Before you judge someone…

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Arguing with a woman…

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Even duct tape can’t…

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

I told myself…

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Don’t break anybody’s heart…

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. - Alan Garner

Hitting the gym…