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If a woman says, “do what you want”, do not do what you want. Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even breathe. Just play dead.

If a woman says…

Life is too short to worry about what others say or think about you. So just enjoy life, have fun, and give them something to talk about.

Life is too short…

Not to get technical, but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.

Not to get technical…

Thanks to the people that walked in to my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.

Thanks to the people…

If you eat well, get good sleep, exercise, and drink plenty of water, you’ll die anyway.

If you eat well…

The fact that there’s a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. - Darynda Jones

The fact…

Sometimes when you give a fuck, that fuck fucks you up.

Sometimes when you give a fuck…

Once upon a time I was sweet and innocent. Then shit happened!

Once upon a time…

I hate when people say you don’t need alcohol to have fun. You don’t need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

I hate when people say…

I bet the first guy who threw shit into a fan never knew what an incredible legacy he would leave.

I bet the first guy…