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Cynical Quotes

No matter what you are going through, always try and help people. So instead of saying “Fuck off” ask, “How can I help you to fuck off?”

No matter what…

When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, I’ve heard that baseball bat is quite effective.

When killing them…

Every group needs its twat, and if you’re in a group of people and there isn’t a twat, then it’s you. - Angus Watson

Every group needs…

Half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other... well the other is an asshole.

Half of me…

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

I either…

Karma is always watching. Just like Santa Claus, only bitchier.

Karma is always watching…

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde

Always borrow money…

Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you. It just means I’ve done more stupid shit.

Just because I give you advice…

If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments.

If you never try…

Once I learn someone hates me, I make sure to go out of my way to piss them off more because that’s what adults do.

Once I learn…